One of the most important aspects of being a new parent is loving your infant, but most parents forget to tell their own children that doesn't happen just because you are born to them.
First, we start identifying what on this new infant looks like us.....you see your eyes and your Dad's nose, Aunt Mary's dimpled hands and your sister's exact birthmark....just in a different location! Yes, until we know this baby is a part of your family, you don't start bonding. The exception to this is when you've adopted your baby and already chosen "just the perfect one".
But should we be surprised by this identification of our babies? I don't think so. Don't we make friends by comparing notes on our lives before, now and plans for a future? If we don't have similarities we can't expect to feel "kinship" to one another or that new life you and God shared in making. This is such an important part of how we treat our families that it has been said that most children look most like their father for the first two years so that Dad will stick around. This says a lot about the importance of two parents.
Your baby too looks apprehensively at you until you've bonded. His glances are hesitant until he's sure his next meal is assured at your hands or with your body (the quickest and best method if one lactates well). Dad's fit into this role as well if Dad is sharing in the feeding schedule.
Once you and baby have a relationship started, then the bonding begins. However, if you quit responding to his/her needs, you will have to rebuild the trust. Unlike various periods of misinformation about how to parent, it IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO REACT TO BABY TO IGNORE him/her, but the new parent must touch as often as is possible to bond properly. Also, soft voices in normal language of the parent will teach baby to speak sooner than not speaking at all to him/her or speaking in "baby-talk"...which will just confuse him/her.
Once you've bonded the love between you and your new human being is a love which will be unsurpassed in duration, depth of love or protective instincts to any other kind of love including passionate love.....which of course is how the precious child was conceived in the first place.
Having both parents in love with their children is the optimum method of raising children and the one which works the best for the children as well as the parents....for in this way all are seeking a common goal of productive lives for one another while sharing the best and worst of those goals.
Let me hear how you are coping as a new mother.......
First, we start identifying what on this new infant looks like us.....you see your eyes and your Dad's nose, Aunt Mary's dimpled hands and your sister's exact birthmark....just in a different location! Yes, until we know this baby is a part of your family, you don't start bonding. The exception to this is when you've adopted your baby and already chosen "just the perfect one".
But should we be surprised by this identification of our babies? I don't think so. Don't we make friends by comparing notes on our lives before, now and plans for a future? If we don't have similarities we can't expect to feel "kinship" to one another or that new life you and God shared in making. This is such an important part of how we treat our families that it has been said that most children look most like their father for the first two years so that Dad will stick around. This says a lot about the importance of two parents.
Your baby too looks apprehensively at you until you've bonded. His glances are hesitant until he's sure his next meal is assured at your hands or with your body (the quickest and best method if one lactates well). Dad's fit into this role as well if Dad is sharing in the feeding schedule.
Once you and baby have a relationship started, then the bonding begins. However, if you quit responding to his/her needs, you will have to rebuild the trust. Unlike various periods of misinformation about how to parent, it IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO REACT TO BABY TO IGNORE him/her, but the new parent must touch as often as is possible to bond properly. Also, soft voices in normal language of the parent will teach baby to speak sooner than not speaking at all to him/her or speaking in "baby-talk"...which will just confuse him/her.
Once you've bonded the love between you and your new human being is a love which will be unsurpassed in duration, depth of love or protective instincts to any other kind of love including passionate love.....which of course is how the precious child was conceived in the first place.
Having both parents in love with their children is the optimum method of raising children and the one which works the best for the children as well as the parents....for in this way all are seeking a common goal of productive lives for one another while sharing the best and worst of those goals.
Let me hear how you are coping as a new mother.......
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